Only You Can Play Your Part
There was no thunder
When dusk came to dwell
Not dark for an hour,
But it felt like Hell.
I looked at the outside
and nothing had changed,
But the image before me
Was ugly and maimed.
I felt almost inhuman
But made of flesh and bones.
The inward darkness
Consumed me as it rose.
It was that sadness
Took every moment,
(There were times I was "happy"-
I'd make sure I showed it)
More weakness, and fed up
with life as a whole
As the voices within me
Began to take hold.
"Hey worthless, ugly, fatty- unloved
nobody would miss you if you just gave up."
With razors for markers
and skin as a canvas,
Slowly it felt
Like descent into madness.
I hid it well though,
with masks and long jumpers
If mum ever saw I knew she'd go bonkers.
Time passed slowly,
painfully on.
One unending storm
til one night I was done.
I got to the end of
My miserable tether
"It's time to end this-
Probably for the better."
With pills and a razor
I sat on my floor.
I felt the blood pumping,
The voices hiss, "Once more."
In the deepest pits
Of self- loathing and hate
I called to the heavens.
Then I heard "WAIT!"
"God, I need peace, I need stillness
Someone who cares.
I've been so alone
Please, show me you're there."
I sought help and
I found it. I needed to know
That somebody out there
Holds my tomorrow.
See, there's Hope for the hopeless,
Strength for the weak.
I found counsel and guidance
When I just started to speak.
Often we feel like
Our families and friends,
Are simply like strangers
When calamity descends.
But, you're not alone.
My story has shown.
We've all had experiences,
Some more than you know.
Do not stay silent.
Do not lose heart.
Your life's full of promise
No on else can play your part.
I wrote this last September as part of my attempt to spread awareness of TWLOHA's movement "No One Else Can Play Your Part". Jared Padalecki's movement with "Always Keep Fighting" has reminded me on my own battles, and brought a strength and determination to show people- there is life beyond the pain. You are worth so much more than any value a person can put on you. Your life matters so much. If it weren't so, then Jesus wouldn't have given himself up to death on that cross to give you a chance just to know his love- unconditional love. All your flaws, all your weaknesses, all the things you deem "nonredeemable" are covered by his blood if only you believe in him.
You are fearfully and WONDERFULLY made in God's image (Psalm 139)
This is only part of my story, and although I've kept it brief the fact of the matter is- I had no hope. Nothing in myself was strong enough. People failed me, I failed myself and I was done. The only thing that saved me was NOT religion. NOT some self help theory. NOT some "will" of my own. Only Jesus. Only Jesus was enough to save me.
I owe Christ my life. Not just from here, but from everything he has saved me from; namely myself and sin. I am by no means perfect, and we all have bad days. The joy I have now reminds me every day where the Lord has brought me from and the new things he is continuing to do.
I praise Him for his love for He is faithful always.
When dusk came to dwell
Not dark for an hour,
But it felt like Hell.
I looked at the outside
and nothing had changed,
But the image before me
Was ugly and maimed.
I felt almost inhuman
But made of flesh and bones.
The inward darkness
Consumed me as it rose.
It was that sadness
Took every moment,
(There were times I was "happy"-
I'd make sure I showed it)
More weakness, and fed up
with life as a whole
As the voices within me
Began to take hold.
"Hey worthless, ugly, fatty- unloved
nobody would miss you if you just gave up."
With razors for markers
and skin as a canvas,
Slowly it felt
Like descent into madness.
I hid it well though,
with masks and long jumpers
If mum ever saw I knew she'd go bonkers.
Time passed slowly,
painfully on.
One unending storm
til one night I was done.
I got to the end of
My miserable tether
"It's time to end this-
Probably for the better."
With pills and a razor
I sat on my floor.
I felt the blood pumping,
The voices hiss, "Once more."
In the deepest pits
Of self- loathing and hate
I called to the heavens.
Then I heard "WAIT!"
"God, I need peace, I need stillness
Someone who cares.
I've been so alone
Please, show me you're there."
I sought help and
I found it. I needed to know
That somebody out there
Holds my tomorrow.
See, there's Hope for the hopeless,
Strength for the weak.
I found counsel and guidance
When I just started to speak.
Often we feel like
Our families and friends,
Are simply like strangers
When calamity descends.
But, you're not alone.
My story has shown.
We've all had experiences,
Some more than you know.
Do not stay silent.
Do not lose heart.
Your life's full of promise
No on else can play your part.
I wrote this last September as part of my attempt to spread awareness of TWLOHA's movement "No One Else Can Play Your Part". Jared Padalecki's movement with "Always Keep Fighting" has reminded me on my own battles, and brought a strength and determination to show people- there is life beyond the pain. You are worth so much more than any value a person can put on you. Your life matters so much. If it weren't so, then Jesus wouldn't have given himself up to death on that cross to give you a chance just to know his love- unconditional love. All your flaws, all your weaknesses, all the things you deem "nonredeemable" are covered by his blood if only you believe in him.
You are fearfully and WONDERFULLY made in God's image (Psalm 139)
This is only part of my story, and although I've kept it brief the fact of the matter is- I had no hope. Nothing in myself was strong enough. People failed me, I failed myself and I was done. The only thing that saved me was NOT religion. NOT some self help theory. NOT some "will" of my own. Only Jesus. Only Jesus was enough to save me.
I owe Christ my life. Not just from here, but from everything he has saved me from; namely myself and sin. I am by no means perfect, and we all have bad days. The joy I have now reminds me every day where the Lord has brought me from and the new things he is continuing to do.
I praise Him for his love for He is faithful always.